What's the matter now?
Oh, she's going to frame him!
Oh, come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
-Who is it? -lt's Miss Marlowe.
Just a moment, fruitcake.
Yes?
Oh, doctor.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
-Do you like gardenias? -l adore them.
-How did you know? -l didn't, so l got you forget-me-nots.
One whiff of this, and you'll forget everything.
Won't you sit down?
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Oh, do you mind?
Not at all. l always take the wrap.
You are such a charming host.
The Hackenbushes, we're all like that.
-How about a short beer? -Nothing, thank you.
Thank you.
Miss Marlowe, l've dreamed of this moment ever since l met you.
For days, l've been trying to see you. . .
. . .and l still don't seem to be able to make the grade.
A quiet evening alone with you. What more could anyone ask?
Say, did you sneak out of here?
Oh, there you are.
lsn't this too, too devastating?
You mind carving? l can't reach the steak from here.
Me?
Yes?
Hey, doc. Hey, doc, can you see us?
lf l can't, there's something wrong with my glasses.
You mean, her? She's the one?
We fix her.
Oh, baby, you look good to me!
Oh, stop it!
Wait a minute. l thought you came here to see me.
Well, l can see you from here.
Get up, you--
You know my friend.
Oh, no. Not for me, three men on a horse.
What is the meaning of this?
Why, you little pest.
What's the matter with you mugs? Haven't you got any gallantry?
She's with Whitmore. She's trying to frame you.
Wouldn't mind framing her. A prettier picture l've never seen.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Hey, doc. Doc, l'm telling you a secret! She's out to get you!
Why, l've never been so insulted in my life.
Well, it's early yet.
l'm leaving. l'm not going to stay here with these men.
You're not leaving. They're leaving. l want you fellas to get out.
-Oh, my cape! -Come back here with my woman.
You fellas are busting up a beautiful romance.
Get her out. She's going to make trouble.
You're wrong. This is my aunt. She's come to talk over some family matters.
l wish l had an aunt look like that.
Well, take it up with your uncle.
Hey, doc. Doc, you're playing with fire.
-You didn't mind getting scorched. -l got fire insurance.
Well, you better get accident.
Scram. Blow.
How do you like those cheap chiselers horning in on us?
-Thank you. -Thank you.
-How about a little Scotch? -Why, l'd love it.
Oh, l'll ring for some.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Will you have the bellhop hop up with some hop Scotch?
l'll flip you to see who pays for it.
Oh, doctor.
l'm O'Reilly, the house detective.
Don't talk so loud. Your mustache will drop off.
Have you got a woman in here?
lf l haven't, l've wasted 30 minutes of valuable time.
You better get her out. This is the last time l'll tell you.
The last time? Can l depend on that?
Yes, because this time, l'm going to stay all night.
-This looks like a tough case. -So does this.
l think l'll call me assistant.
lf you're looking for my fingerprints, you're a little early.
When you're through with that steak, chew him.
Pull in your ears. You're coming to a tunnel.
Get along, little doggies. Get along, little doggies.
lt's been a nice, quiet dinner.
How do you know? You haven't had any yet. Shall we?
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Tomato soup?
Have you got a can opener?
Oh, here it is.
Oh, l'm really not hungry.
Couldn't we just sit over here?
l want to be near you. l want you to hold me.
Oh, hold me closer.
Closer. Closer.
lf l hold you any closer, l'll be in back of you.
You're so comforting.
The Hackenbushes, we're all like that.
Shall we sit down and bat it around?
You're a little near-seated-- A little nearsighted, aren't you?
Oh, no. There's nobody else going to get in. l bolted the door.
Say, fun is fun.
We come to hang the paper.
How about hanging yourself instead?
-Well, l'm going to stay right here. -Thank you.
That's right. You work that side, l work this side, and we meet on the ceiling.
You'll wind up on the gallows is my prediction.
l must be a citizen. l just got my second papers.
Looks like a wet track tomorrow, Stuffy.
-l think Stuffy's is the one with water. -l'll see that he's dismissed immediately.
What's going on?
Good gracious!
You're mistaken. There's no woman here.
-What are they--? -No?
Hugo!
What are you doing?
l'm having the place done over. lt'll make a lovely honeymoon suite.
-Good-- -You better go, dear.
-We're tearing up the floor next. -Oh, my.
Come, Mr. Whitmore. l've a few words to say to you.
Boys, you were wonderful. You saved my life.
l'll get even. You-- You dirty, low-down, cheap, double-crossing snake.
Thank you.
Hugo, speak to me.
l said l was sorry about last night.
l never should have mistrusted you.
lsn't there anything l can do to make you forgive me?
You could take over the notes from Miss Standish.
Then would you forgive me?
Well, it would help.
Emily, l can't hide it any longer. l love you.
Oh, Hugo.
lt's the old, old story, boy meets girl.
Romeo and Juliet.
Minneapolis and St. Paul.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Judy has the papers ready for you to sign.
Later, later. Can't you see we're busy?
lt's all right. l'll remember where l left off.
Must they do that now?
Mrs. Upjohn, just a moment, please.
Mrs. Upjohn, may l present Dr. Leopold X. Steinberg of Vienna?
And this is Dr. Hackenbush.
Doctor. l have a few questions l would like to ask you.
l've got a question l'd like to ask you.
Steinberg, what do you do with your old razorblades?
l've been telling Dr. Steinberg about your unusual case.
Yes, and l would like to know what is this ailment, double blood pressure?
Dr. Hackenbush tells me l'm the only case in history.
l have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.
There is no such thing.
She looks as healthy as any woman l've met.
You don't look like you ever met a healthy woman.
-What? -Gentlemen, gentlemen.
There's a very simple way to settle this. Why not examine Mrs. Upjohn?
-Splendid, splendid. -Right this way, Mrs. Upjohn.
Dr. Hackenbush will show you, then l insist that you apologize to him.
Come, Hugo. The idea!
Hey, doc, where you going? lf Steinberg examines her, we're through.
-l'm through right now. -You're not.
You gotta get in there. Do anything, but stop Steinberg. Hurry.
l'll say. l'm hopping the next banana boat for Central America.
Hey, doc, where you going?
Wait, doc. Wait.
lt's all right with me. Go right ahead. l'm not sleeping here tonight.
-lt's Hi Hat. -Nonsense. That's a horse.
No, it's Hi Hat. We hide him in the closet so the sheriff can't find him.
ls that so? He's not going to find me either. . .
. . .because l'm leaving here right away, boys.
Doc, doc, wait a minute, now.
-No, l'll see you again sometime. -No, doc, please.
See you again, just as soon as l get my effects.
Old Hackenbush isn't gonna be with you very long.
-Doc, you can't walk out on us like this. -l'll say l can't. l'm gonna run out.
You can't go, doc. lf you walk out, where will Judy be?
She won't be in jail, and that's where l'll be if l stay here.
Besides, what can l do?
-You've got to stop the examination. -Not today l don't.
Are you a man or a mouse?
You put a piece of cheese down there, and you'll find out.
Well, it's been nice seeing you.
Oh, no, you don't. You leave, it's over my dead body.
Well, that's a pleasant way to travel.
All right. Now, look, doc. You can't leave Miss Judy in a fix like this.
-l know, but the sheriff-- -Doc, doc.
lf you leave now, Judy loses the sanitarium.
All right. l'll stay.
You're gonna stay? l knew you'd do it, doc.
Next, we will see--
Just a moment. Take your hands off her!
A fine doctor you are.
You're not supposed to touch a patient without being sterilized.
You don't see me running an examination like that.
No, that's true.
And l think it would be very interesting. . .
. . .to see just how Dr. Hackenbush does conduct an examination.
Splendid, splendid. Show them, doctor.
lf you insist, l'll proceed.
ln case you've never done it, this is known as washing your hands.
l'd rather have it rusty than missing.
You'll go a long ways to see prettier drippings than those.
Why sterilization? After all, this is not an operation, you know?
Not yet, but l may get hot and operate on everybody in the joint, including you.
Come, come, doctor. Aren't you ready?
Now, Mrs. Upjohn, l guess l know my business.
Of course, that's just a guess on my part. . .
. . .but at any rate, l know a thing or two about cleanliness. . .
. . .and that's more than l can say for that mountain goat standing there.
Come, doctor. We're waiting.
All right. lf you insist, we'll proceed at once.
Now, Mrs. Upjohn, l want you to take your arms. . .
. . .and let them wave through the air with the greatest of ease.
Not too swiftly.
-Like that, doctor? -Yes, that's splendid.
How long do you want me to do this, doctor?
Just until you fly away.
l told you guys to stay down in that room with those pigeons.
Dr. Hackenbush, tell me, who sent for these men?
You don't have to send for them. You just rub a lamp, and they appear.
-My name is Steinberg. -Nix. Nix. That's Steinberg.
Dr. Steinberg, by a strange coincidence, this is another Dr. Steinberg.
May l introduce my colleagues and good friends, another Dr. Steinberg?
This is a Dr. Steinberg, Dr. Steinberg.
Dr. Steinberg and Mrs. Steinberg.
And, doctor, l'd like you to meet another Dr. Steinberg.
And that's Steinberg Jr.
lf Dr. Hackenbush is not going to continue with the examination, professor. . .
-. . .may we have your diagnosis, please? -With pleasure.
ln all my years of medicine--
ln your years of medicine. You don't know the first thing about medicine.
And don't point that beard at me. lt might go off.
Dr. Steinberg, do you remember your diagnosis?
Certainly. To begin with, her pulse is absolutely normal.
-l challenge that. -Challenge that?
-You take her pulse. -Pulse?
-Take her pulse! -l don't do any pulse work.
l am an acute diagnostician.
Take her pulse. Take her pulse!
Oh, no, no, no. My purse, my purse, my purse. He has my purse!
You must forgive him. He doesn't spell very well.
Oh, dear. Come, gentlemen. Let us begin.
You shouldn't have done that. Now we're all unsterilized.
What's the matter with you?
Well, l must say, l've seen quicker examinations.
Maybe, but you'll never see a slipperier one.
-Are you ready to proceed? -We'll proceed immediately.
Doctor. And what do you expect to do next?
The next thing l think we should do is wash our hands.
-You're absolutely right. -Oh, l've never seen--
-Oh, what is the matter with them? -l don't know.
-What is this? Get away! -Everything is going to be all right.
Nurse, sterilization! Sterilization!
-Are they mad? What is it? -No, we're not mad.
We're just terribly hurt, that's all.
Hey, just a moment. Just put the gown on, not the nurse, huh?
Come here.
-How's it a dame like that never gets sick? -But l am sick.
Doctor, will you pay attention to me?
You'll have to get in line. There's three orders ahead of you.
That poor girl may be out there, catching her death of cold.
-Same nurse, sterilization. -Doc, get away from there.
-This is absolutely insane! -That's what they said about Pasteur.
This is ridiculous. Put the patient in a horizontal position.
-Oh, what are you gonna do now? -Be careful. Be careful.
l don't want to be examined anymore. Do you hear me?
Doctor, where are you?
Oh, my. l want to get down. You let me down this very moment.
Do you hear me?
l'll get you down.
l'll report this to Miss Standish. You wait and see.
What are you doing? Get off there. Get off there!
How do you like that, honey?
What are you doing? Give me that.
Get away from me. l don't want to have my head massaged!
ln all my life, l haven't seen such an examination!
But there is one indisputable test.
-What? -The x-ray!
-X-ray! -X-ray!
X-ray! All about the examination!
X-ray! X-ray!
X-ray!
That's enough! l will call the police!
l've never gone through anything like this!
-l certainly messed things up for Judy. -You messed things up?
l suppose old Doc Hackenbush didn't throw a nasty monkey wrench.
You no throw the monkey wrench.
l'm the guy that did it.
Now, listen. lt was nobody's fault but mine.
l don't want any more arguments. lt was all my fault.
l think he's right. lt was his fault.
Oh, it was my fault, eh? That's the thanks l get.
l get you the first shower you had in years. . .
. . .you turn on me like a snake in the grass.
-Someone's coming. -The sheriff.
-Judy. -Hello, Miss Judy.
-Hello. Hello. -You're the prettiest sheriff l've ever seen.
-Thought l was the sheriff? -Taking no chances.
l just brought you these blankets.
l thought it might make it a little more comfortable living out here.
Get up. Get up.
Don't worry about our comfort. We bungled your affairs.
You did your best, Gil.
Yes, and our best was none too good.
Tell me, is the water still running in the examination room?
After tomorrow, l'm afraid that's Mr. Morgan's worry.
Morgan, he no got the sanitarium yet.
A lot of things can happen before tomorrow.
The sanitarium doesn't matter anymore.
Gil, you were right. l've been taking things far too seriously.
lt's much better this way. Now l can be free. l won't be tied down.
l can enjoy myself and really laugh.
Oh, Judy, please.
Don't cry, Miss Judy. l feel sad, but l laugh.
l laugh. Stuffy's laughing too. Look.
Go on and laugh, Stuffy.
Hey, look. Look at Hackenapuss. Laugh. Go on, laugh.
Where did that come from?
lt can't be that bad, Judy.
Look at those kids. Laughing, happy.
Come on. You're just a kid. Laugh. Be happy.
lt's the sheriff.
-Hey, you. -l ain't done nothing.
You've got nothing on me. My skirts are clean.
Yeah? This letter from Florida says you're a horse doctor.
Put them all under arrest.
They won't run, sheriff, if you break their legs.
Get that horse. Get that horse.
What's wrong with that horse?
He goes wild every time he sees Morgan or hears his voice.
Get him out.
Hey, come here, you. Where do you think you're going?
You can't get away with this.
Never mind him. Get the horse.
Why, you!
Nice work, Stuffy.
Stop that horse! Don't let him get out of here!
Did you see that horse jump?
And l'm doing some pretty fancy jumping myself.
Let me off this rope!
l'll throw you all in jail! Get me down! Get me out of here!
This is no way to treat the law. You'll never get away with this!
l'll get you.
There he goes.
lf he's headed south, l'd like to make a reservation.
Look at that horse. He cleared the automobile.
l wish l could clear mine.
Darling, perhaps that's why he never won a race. He's a jumper.
Am l a sap. l have a steeplechase horse, and l don't know it.
We're gonna find that added starter and see that he doesn't start.
They're not pulling any fast ones. Hi Hat's not running.
-But Hi Hat isn't a jumper. -He was jumping plenty last night.
-But he can't beat your horse. -Well, l'm not taking any chances.
My money is riding on Skee Ball, and that's not all.
lf Hi Hat wins, we can kiss the sanitarium goodbye.
Well, Morgan, you got nothing to worry about. Hi Hat's not on this track.
See he doesn't get on. Put a man at every gate.
lf that nag slips by you, it means your job.
Here. Keep me posted.
He's made it! He's made it!
Go ahead, Stuffy! Go to it. Good luck!
Ride them, cowboy, or we're heading for the lockup.
Come on. We get a reserved seat.
-Gil! -l got a man on every gate.
-There's no sign of them. -See there's no sign of them till after.
Whoa, Hi Hat! Whoa, boy! Hi Hat, whoa!
Hey, what you got in there?
lf you believe in signs, Sherlock, look at that ambulance.
-Now, wait a minute, sheriff! -Don't you start anything, Stewart!
We'll just put this baby under lock and key.
You keep searching for those other mugs.
Stuffy.
What's the matter?
What's happened?
What?
Hi Hat's gone!
-The race is going to start! -They won't start till we find Hi Hat.
Now, listen, son, you're riding this race to win.
l don't care what you do as long as the judges don't see you doing it.
All right, men! Go to your horses!
Soap!
We are sorry for the delay, but the horses are now coming on the track.
Twenty-five minutes late!
The horses are parading past the grandstand.
Only 1 1 are headed postward.
Hi Hat, the added starter, is missing.
This is the third running....
Hey, Stuffy! Stuffy! Did you find him?
Did you find the ambulance?
Well, keep on looking. We know it came in.
Now that the storm of hats has subsided...
... the stewards have ordered the track cleared for action.
-Don't stop searching till you find them! -Here you are, boss.
--and the horses are back on parade towards the starting point.
They're going back now, up to the starting post.
And everyone is getting his own hat, we hope.
The horses are coming back to the starter now. They're very fractious.
They are giving the boys quite a bit of trouble.
First Legion is acting very badly....
Free parking! Here you are! Free parking!
Get your free parking! Come on! Come on, this way!
They're coming up this time, almost in an even line.
The starter has his flag up, and it looks like--
Wait a minute! What is this?
A horserace or an automobile race?
Hold those horses!
Hold it! Hold it!
Plenty of room. Nice fresh parking today. Right ahead, folks.
You girls got anything on for tonight?
Hey! Hey!
-Get that one! -Hey, get off!
Going my way?
Get them out! Get them out of here!
Hey, Stuffy, did you find Hi Hat?
Well, keep looking. He must be around somewheres.
Get that horse out of there! There's been a terrible wreck!
Come on! Hurry up! Help me!
-Come on, we've got no time to lose. -ls she alive?
-Get going, sheriff, l'll take care of her. -All right.
-Well, here we are again. -Come on!
Get them off before something else happens.
-Turn that horse around. -It looks like he'll send them away.
-Yes, yes.... -Now, easy, easy.
And now they go!
-At last. -Flying Demon is third.
Sun Helmet is fourth, and Green Goddess.
Skee Ball showing the way in the center of the track...
...by two lengths. Sun Helmet is second.
Green Goddess is third, and Flying Demon is fourth.
Now they're going around the first turn with Skee Ball in front by two lengths.
First Legion is second by a head.
Wait a minute! What is this?
What is--? What happened?
Get me the riot squad!
-Oh, Mr. Morgan, don't get excited. -l'm not excited! Shut up!
Quiet, please. Your attention.
Quiet, please! Your attention!
Stuffy!
The stewards have ruled this a false start...
...and have ordered the horses back to the starting post.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will all....
Stuffy, scram!
Who knows, we may yet have a horserace this afternoon.
Horses are back at the starting point.
And now the boys are turning them about. They're very nervous, very fractious.
They're having quite a bit of trouble.
Get that wagon off of here!
Get off!
Get it off!
Hi Hat, he got him away from me! l don't know where he is!
What do you think that is, stupid?
-Number 7! -Somebody's gonna pay for this!
That's Hi Hat!
They're coming up to the start this time, and the starter has his flag raised.
And now they go!
Here comes Hi Hat!
And he's in the race!
Come on! Hoof it!
Skee Ball going to the front, First Legion is second...
...Flying Demon is third, Sun Helmet is fourth...
...and Green Goddess is fifth.
Now there goes Hi Hat into contention.
He's picking up the field, he's moving up between horses.
And look at him go! He's moving up there at the leader.
And Skee Ball's still in front, pressing into second.
But here comes Hi Hat between horses, and now he's challenging the leader.
Skee Ball in front by a length and one half.
Hi Hat is second by three-quarters of a length.
First Legion is third by a length and one half...
...and Flying Demon is fourth. Now Skee Ball is going out a bit.
And they're coming to the first fence now, and Skee Ball takes it...
...but Hi Hat refuses. He's turning back.
But wait a minute, wait a minute. He's going to try it. There he goes.
He's going after it this time, and he's over!
Oh, your idea worked, Judy!
Flying Demon is third by three-quarters of a length. Sun Helmet in fourth.
Oh, he's lost Morgan's picture!
And he's going up on the outside this time...
...and here he is at the leader! It's Skee Ball in front. Here comes Skee Ball....
Can you shout like Morgan?
No, but Morgan can.
--third by three-quarters of a length. Skee Ball on the outside.
And Hi Hat on the rail, with Flying Demon third--
Something's happened to the loudspeaker.
-Let me take a look. -Give me those glasses--
It's you! Officer!
You take care of Judy, and l'll take care of Morgan.
l hope the judges didn't see that.
Mind telling the radio audience what a heel you are?
Come back later. l've had enough of y--
If the police can 't handle you, I'll handle you myself!
Keep that man away from me, do you understand?
Get down there! And stay there!
And see that l'm not disturbed again today!
Get out of here!
Oh, we've got him! He won't get away this time!
-They're both down! -Stuffy's down!
Skee Ball's in the lead!
-Smell this. -Oh, get away!
I don 't wanna smell anything! Get him out of here!
Come on! How many men does it take to do this?
Come on, Skee Ball! Come on, Skee Ball!
Come on, boy!
Skee Ball wins! He wins at everything! Let me out of here.
Okay, sheriff, what are your rates for a cell with southern exposure?
Gil, Hi Hat couldn't have tried harder.
We were just unlucky.
Great race, Skee Ball. Great race, Skee Ball.
Get out of here! Get him out of here!
-Why, it's number 7! -Hi Hat's the winner.
-Hi Hat wins! Cancel that reservation. -lt's Hi Hat!
Gil, come on! Come on, l want to put the wreath on the winner!
One more yell out of you, and he'd have jumped over the grandstand.
-Stuffy! -Stuffy, you were wonderful!
-Oh, boy! -l haven't seen so much mudslinging. . .
. . .since the last election.
Come on, boy! Hi Hat!
-Hallelujah! -Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Emily, l have a little confession to make.
l really am a horse doctor.
But marry me, and l'll never look at any other horse.
Subtitles by SDl Media Group
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